My brain is all askew

[saifai]

I've got jumbled chaos running rampant in my head this morning.  I slept like a log last night, and good thing too.  My dreams have been strange, and last night was one of those that I dread sleeping because I fear what I'll see. 

Casper's Revenge
It wasn't all bad though.  I ended up having a strange dream alright, but one where I had a good heart to heart with my brother-in-law about my beliefs in spirits and the reactions I've gotten from people in church.  In an odd way, I'm happy to have seen him like that.  His dream self was very much like he is in real life, and I forgot how funny he can be.  Granted, my dream version was also making fantastic impersonations of Gollum and a few characters from Harry Potter, but other than the chosen characters...

Jumbled Chaos, Chapter 2
I can't seem to make my body work right.  First thing I did this morning once my morning routine was done, is sit down at the computer to wait out my brain.  I almost set my water down on a candy dish.  I picked it up to move it, the lid fell off, and all the little Hershey Kisses fell down between the wall and my desk.  I'll move them eventually.

Holiday Spander
Today is also the day I get to work in my Twelve Days of Christmas spander piece for lazuli_kat (links are here in case you're curious).  I've got a plot, I've got my research done, and I've got about three or four different perspectives already written out.  Hopefully it turns out well.  It'll have a Holiday theme, but with BDSM aspects to it.  Anyone up for doing a beta on something like that?

Hiding in the Hobbit Hole
It's day two of my Christmas vacation.  Yesterday, I ventured out of my hobbit hole only once, and even then I did it half dressed in my jammies and never left the car.  *gr*  Thank goodness for drive-up windows.

I bid thee adieu...
I'm gonna go make breakfast, clean up the Kisses, read a tiny bit of Snarry, and start on my story.  Not necessarily on that order.  There was more, but this was all my brain would let me have this morning.  More of my jumbled thoughts later when I think of 'em.

P.S.  Where are all the Christmas icons?  I need some in various fandoms.  I feel naked without them.

Comments

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Yes, there is a lot of pressure to have kids. There is a lot of support from the church (financially and otherwise) for those who wish to have them but can't necessarily provide for them. They figure the Lord will provide for you if you have faith (ie you'll find a way to make it happen).

The only thing I've ever had trouble with is the attitude about asking my husband about purchases, like cars. I've boycotted several dealers in town because of that attitude. Usually my narrowed eyes or raised eyebrow is enough to dissuade most from pressing me. I will fight them, and have before.

I've been married eleven years and don't yet have kids. Yes, I've had a lot of questions. The biggest pressure has been from Mark's parents. At one point they took us aside and made some pretty derogatory comments about it (making assumptions about why we hadn't yet done it). I got upset, told them it wasn't anyone's business but ours, but granted them a partial explanation (most of it due to my medical problems, and having to anticipate having to save up for adoption as a very real possibility). As for anyone else, I just smile and shake my head. Sometimes I tell them it's not something we're able to handle at the moment.

There are times I get upset about it, but it's very hard for me to hide my emotions. Most people who see me getting upset with their line of questions leave me alone. For those that don't, they get the "I appreciate your concern, but it's none of your business."

I don't blame you for not looking forward to that attitude directed to Elizabeth. Honestly, I didn't join this church for a long time because I'd been met with such hostility. There are a lot of members with nothing better to do than stick their noses into other people's business, and I have absolutely no patience for them.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

Ah, I didn't think about car dealers. I bought a car here from a little old lady, so that wasn't a problem. Her husband seemed impressed by my checking the tire treads and fluid levels and such rather than amused, which was sweet. Which dealers did you have problems with?

I was wondering how long you were married. Jeff and I have been together ten ourselves, married five. We told a realtor that we wanted to wait to have children until we could afford a house, and we got quite a rude response. Now I blabber on about the medical side of things (I'm already being asked where #2 is!), when I should really do what you do. No one would ever ask that in Illinois! It sounds like you have the right way to respond.

Do you feel the church discourages you from associating with non-members? I feel very excluded in this neighborhood sometimes, and so does my neighbor Julie, who is an ex-Mormon. I never even mention religion to anyone, but they know I'm not with the LDS church because of the neighborhood church rule. (Is that right? My old coworker said that you're only supposed to go to the church closest to your house, even if you move to another part of town and want to go to the old church. Her husband couldn't go to the same church as his daughter because they lived in different towns.)

I think you have an excellent attitude for dealing with these problems. I'm still so surprised and put-off by it that I don't manage well.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Most of the dealers are out of business now, thankfully. One of them was AutoTend or something like that. I think the business might still be there, but under a different name. One in particular I had a problem with, but not because of the "where's your husband" thing (it was over their assumption of our financial status), was Bodily RV.

As for associating with non-members, yes and no. We're taught that we don't have the right to judge anyone, as only Heavenly Father and his Son can do that. We're also told to be charitable to everyone, especially our neighbors. In most of the wards I've been in, they're big about making sure the non-members in our neighborhoods are well taken care of (visiting, seeing if they need anything, dropping off goodies and what not).

There is a general rule that you shouldn't associate yourself with anyone that could be a poor influence on you. For example, it might not be a good idea to hang out with the local drug deal dude or the pimp down the street. But that certainly isn't a rule that applies to your neighbors, unless of course you suspect they might have a drug lab in their basement.

Yes, the church has people go depending on their boundaries. It's setup much like school districts, only there's a lot more of them. Generally speaking, you'll usually go to the ward that's closest to your home. If you move, your records are transferred to the ward that is closest to your new home. You can go to whichever ward you wish, but if you need something (counsel from your Bishop, financial help or help with groceries, want church duties, and etc.), then you need to do that in the ward closest to your home.

I suppose I haven't always had the greatest attitude about it all. It's just come with practice. Sometimes I just end up ignoring someone and change the subject (think Xander in these situations... a good joke to distract someone is always a good tactic). I have a real habit of getting upset with people, so I always try to prevent myself from getting into those situations. My fuse is very short.

I admit I'm a bit afraid of how the members of the church will treat me now that I'm on the verge of divorce, but so far the people I've had contact with have been very supportive.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

LOL, there's a joke in South Park about Mormons being so nice it's creepy. :D One of the neighbor girls heard Jeff swearing in the garage once, and I think she's scared of us now. Now the family doesn't talk to us much.

When I went to the Evangelical church, they told us never to date non-Christians because they would contaminate us with TEH EBIL. I figure that someone's faith must be insecure to be so afraid of that kind of thing. Same as all the parents so terrified of what their kids might see on TV instead of monitoring what they watch and instilling solid values that TV won't ruin. (I tried to explain that to a phone solicitor once and she got very angry.)

This is really interesting to have the LDS church's opinions cleared up more. Sometimes the church is a little secretive. :) I do hope the church members treat you well, and not in the "you poor, pathetic thing" way. It's been hard, but there are some great opportunities to change your life ahead. (But I expect a few people will be desperately trying to fix you up with a new guy, argh.)

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Funny you should mention the South Park thing. I had much the same reaction when I first got married. I didn't join the church until maybe three years in (and on my own, not something hubby or his family encouraged). When I first met a couple friends of his family I told him, "She's so nice it's creeping me out. Is she on something?"

Ironic about the swearing thing too, as I would imagine many of them swear in the comfort of their own homes. At least, where they don't think anyone's listening.

I think there's far more discouragement from associating with non-members for the children than anything. Mark's parents had a hard time accepting me because I was a non-member. Part of it was their beliefs in dating (only in groups, never the same person twice sort of thing), and partly because of our potential future (how would we deal with raising our kids with different faiths). I think you're right at least on that part, that people are insecure in their faith if they can't take talking with a few non-Christians. If you instill solid values in them, you won't need to worry about your kids as much when they go out and meet the real world.

...and soooo not looking forward to people trying to fix me up. I'm just waiting for someone suggest I start attending the "singles ward" downtown. Ugh...

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

I think it's very important for children to be exposed to a wide variety of religions and races (unfortunately Boise's awfully white). Should I take Elizabeth to a church, I think we'll go to the Unitarian one, which has a "university religion class" style that ties the main religions of the world together and encourages spirituality in general. I'm a spiritual atheist, which is kind of hard to explain, but it works for me. :) I find it hurtful that so often I'm considered to be a bad influence or even a criminal for not being religious, but it's something I've had to deal with for a long time. The funny thing is I "sin" less than when I was Christian, and my values are more important to me. When I was a fundamentalist, all I worried about was how everyone else was going to hell! :P

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to tell you good night, as I'll be going now! I had a nice time talking to you (although anxiously wondering at times if I was being rude in some way).

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Have a good night yourself! It really has been nice, and you were just fine. I don't mind talking about things like this. You asked it in good faith, and I appreciate that.

[fantomeq.livejournal.com]

I appreciated the conversation. There are a lot of misconceptions about the LDS church, and a lot of resentment out there, and it really made me understand some things better.