...and the icon'ing continues

[saifai]

Got a bunch of icons done yesterday, though most were for people I owed them to already.  Got some done today. 

GIP!  *coughentrenous88cough*  Yes, it's shareable.  Thanks to kyrieane for throwing out the comment that ended up as the text for this one. 

Okay, off to work on another one.

Comments

Part 21a

[(Anonymous)]

“So this is how it’s gonna be then?”

He hesitated, but then continued to pass by when he noticed Spike leaning against a brick wall, smoking a cigarette. Xander had taken a back entrance from the studio, purposely hoping to avoid Spike, along with the conversation that he didn’t want to have. He kept walking, hands in his pockets, eyes down, completely deflated. It was difficult enough having to see Spike all day, every day, but outside, without the made-up characters and fake scripts carefully laying out every word for him, he didn’t know what to say. Without someone else’s writing, he didn’t know how to act. He was afraid to face him. But most of all, he was afraid of giving in.

When he heard the sound of boots on the pavement and realized he was being followed, he finally gave up and stopped, his eyes still cast downward. “How what’s gonna be?”

Spike moved in front of him, making sure to obstruct his path. The used cigarette was flicked to the ground and Xander caught a halfway glimpse of the clenched jaw line when he chanced a small glance upward.

“This thing. Between you and me. Gonna act like it didn’t happen then.”

And the question was answered when Xander’s head rose, trying to back up his words with a deadpan look in his eyes. “There is no you and me, Spike. Hasn’t been for a long time.”

Spike’s head tilted in a way that made Xander’s heart begin to pound, as if he was actually contemplating, trying to accept it. But then- “I was there. I felt it, same as you.”

“It wasn’t real. Nothing but nostalgia. You were looking at that god damn picture and…”

“Bollocks!” Spike moved in, his eyes slanted to slits, his voice teetering on the edge of anger. “I’ve let you have your excuses. But now… I don’t know what bloody game you’re playing, but that fucking picture had nothing to do with what happened.”

Xander’s voice rose, “And what happened, Spike?! Huh?” When he didn’t answer right away, Xander took his chance to dig. “I blew you. Big fucking deal! I was drinking, I was horny and I sucked your dick. End of story.”

He shoved his way around Spike and started walking again; even knowing he had no chance of getting away that easy. Sometimes, an argument won was all in the attitude. He made it four steps before Spike grabbed his arm and pulled him back around.

“Uh-uh, pet. Not getting rid of me so easy this time. You’re gonna spill what’s going on in that addle-minded little brain of yours and you and me are gonna have a conversation.”

Xander grit his teeth and tensed, rubbing at his arm when Spike finally let go.

“You don’t want to have this conversation, Spike. But, let me see if I can tell you what you do want.” Xander bit his lip and sighed, exhaling deeply. “You wanna turn back the clock and pick up where we were two years ago. Right?! You wanna reminisce and walk down memory lane and act like nothing’s changed. Well sorry to tell ya, pal. Things have changed! And there’s nothing you can say or do to make it anything other than what it is.”

Spike’s arms crossed and he shifted his weight from his right to his left foot. “ And what is it exactly? Enlighten me.”

Xander shook his head. “Does it even mean anything to you?! Don’t you get it! I am positive! I have HIV! Any fluid inside my body can fucking kill you! What part of this don’t you understand?!”

Spike’s expression turned sour as he stepped closer, pushing into Xander’s space. “The part where I’m supposed to let that scare me off. Where you say AIDS and I’m supposed to haul my ass in the other direction. Is that the answer you’re looking for?”

Xander nodded smugly. “Yeah. If you were smart.”

Part 21b

[(Anonymous)]

“You’re a sodding arse.”

Xander’s forehead rippled, his face scrunching in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, don’t play bloody stupid with me. You’re forgetting something. I. Know. You. I know everything about you. You’re trying to drive everyone away so you won’t be an inconvenience, right? Protecting everyone? Especially me.”

“Wil…”

“No. When’s the last time you talked to your chums? Buffy? Willow? Do they even know?”

Xander’s eyes found the ground. “They wouldn’t understand.”

“Ah. As I thought. Kind of the same way I wouldn’t understand?”

Xander nodded without looking up.

“Wrench in your little scenario, luv. I do understand. And as much as you don’t like it, I’m not leaving. You pushed me away before because I was a buggering idiot. Not gonna happen again.”

“Spike…”

“I’m not stupid. I know the risks. Won’t pretend it’ll be a walk in the park. But damn it, Xander… I love you. Can’t you see that?”

Xander blinked and everything seemed to move in slow motion. As he slowly looked up, Spike’s arms were around him, holding him, whispering that he wasn’t alone. He pulled away, just enough to be able to see Spike’s face. “That’s why I don’t trust myself with you. I forget.”

“Forgetting’s what you need, pet. And I’ll remind you when it’s necessary, right?”

“But you didn’t! The other day, I sucked you off, Spike. I sucked you off and you didn’t stop me! Don’t you realize???”

“Yes,” he answered harshly. He exhaled slowly and leaned in closer. “But not again. Okay? We were both weak, but now we know. We’ll help each other.”

“It won’t be the same. What you’ll have to learn to live with? The sex… A blowjob with a condom…”

“Will be just as good knowing you’re the one giving it, pet. Not something you need to worry about.”

“But what if…”

“Xander.” Spike snapped at him to get his full attention. “It’s not just about fucking. I can fuck anyone. It’s about wanting to be with you.”

Xander closed his eyes and leaned their foreheads together.

“So what do you say?” Spike asked softly. “Is there a you and me?”