Fic: Loving You, (S/X)

[saifai]

These were actually some of my own thoughts, but I figured it'd come across better as a Spander fic.  After moping for awhile and listening to entirely too much Evanescence, this is the result.


Title: Loving You
Author: Saifai
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Warnings: Angst, some fluff.

*****
I know I shouldn't be worried after all these years together.  Yet I can’t help but find myself break at the thought of you together.  Her face haunts my dreams.  The pain is too real for me to just erase.

I’ve been the one to wipe your tears.  I’ve been the one to hold your hand when you trembled in fear.  Yes, even you the big bad could be afraid sometimes.  Yet, I’m still here with you.  Do you ever wonder why?

I couldn’t help but wonder why she would be coming into town.  Then you came to me and in your most carefree manner told me you would be gone for the weekend.  Oh the pain that rushed through my system at that moment.  You have no idea.  You were leaving for her.

It was such a reasonable excuse for a trip.  I knew in my mind I should have suppressed my childish fears.  If you’re going to leave, I wish you would just do it instead of putting me through all this.  But you need to go help Angel in LA for the weekend.

It would have been so easy to make a casual call to an old friend from school.  Nobody would be the wiser, but I could have checked out your story.  You would never have to know of my moment insanity when they told me it was true.

I found myself crying on the floor in front of our bed, holding a picture of you.  I was mourning you before you were even gone.  You hadn’t even noticed with all the work you had yet to do for your trip.  I was already in bed, cleaned of all my tears when you finally came in.

I felt the bed dip beneath your weight.  You slid under the covers and immediately found your way to me.  Your arms wound around me, soaking up all my warmth.  I could have screamed for all it pained me to feel you this one last time.  I just knew it would be the last.

You spooned behind me, nuzzling the back of my neck sending shivers all up and down my spine.  You sighed, and then caressed my shoulder with gentle kisses.  You pulled me in tighter to you before speaking.

“I don’t want to leave you tomorrow.  I think I’m gonna call Angel and let him know he can fend for himself.  I’d rather be here with you, than off fighting for useless causes with Captain Forehead.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.  You were staying.  I rolled over and held you in a tight embrace.  You leaned down and nibbled my neck. 

I moved back and searched your eyes, looking for it.  There.  It was right there all the time, your love.  It all just fades away.  Your love is all I ever need to know.

Comments

[willshenilshe.livejournal.com]

That's beautiful - sad and schmoopy and just plain beautiful. And as I'm a hopeless Evanescence fan, this story's even more endearing to me. Thank you.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome, I'm just glad to hear you liked it. Thanks for the comments. I'm not sure if I was shooting for it or not, but it did turn out kinda schmangsty. :)

[azure-k-mello.livejournal.com]

Ok, wait I'm feeling like an idiot! Is Spike going to Angel where Dru is or is Xander going to Angel where Cordy is? why would Xander help Angel? Egads I'm confused!!! Help!

This was a very sweet story, even if I am too dim to figure out what's happening.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Spike was going to help Angel, but Dru would be in town during tha time. Xander was worried about Spike seeing Dru again.

I should probably add the info to a summary or something... *scratches head*

[azure-k-mello.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm just an idiot. 'Cause the narration didn't sound like Spike, it was Xander's voice, I'm just an idiot!

[saifai.livejournal.com]

It was Xander. That was Xander talking about his worries for Spike.

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. I am feklempt. Just lovely.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.


...but, what's feklempt?

[amejisuto.livejournal.com]

You ever watch SNL when Mike Meyers was on and he did that Linda Richmond's Kawfee Talk? And when she'd get choked up she'd be feklempt. I don't know if that's how it's spelled, but that's how I felt.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Oh my lord it's been so long since I've seen that. I'd completely forgotten about that sketch! LOL

Well in that case, I'm flattered even more so. *gr*

[marsterslady.livejournal.com]

I love Evanescence. This really flowed well for me. Very sweet and lovely.

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Can't escape the Evanescence. Beautiful songs there. Thank you for your comments. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[ex-kyrieane267.livejournal.com]

oh...wibble....oh....sniff....oh honey, lovely!

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

Actually, I was wondering something about it. I've had some questions about it. Is it hard to understand what I was talking about? I was thinking it might make more sense if I give a little background info in a summary to begin with...

[darkhavens.livejournal.com]

I had absolutely no problems following it, sweetie. I wanted to give Xander a huge super-squishy hug and tell Spike to get his head out of his ass and ask Xander to go with him to LA.

Lovely!

[saifai.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it. :)