Happy Holidays!
Dec. 23rd, 2004 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saifaiI guess part of this is my Festivus, but mostly it's just ramble. You know me.
This time last year, I was just barely remembering that we hadn't gotten a tree up. Was tough last year with everything that had been happening. It's a weird feeling for me, that. I'm always so excited about the season.
Some of y'all have heard before the stories about my Dad. He just never really was the type to get excited about Christmas. Didn't even like the presents we gave him much. Mom's mood was always brought down because of that because she was trying to compensate for that for us kids and didn't really ever get into the spirit of things until Christmas day.
Mom. She tried her best, really she did. Christmas morning we would have any of a variety of meals. It was always something we could eat while opening presents: cinnamon rolls, orange bread, banana bread. Good stuff that. Michelle and I would "Ooh" and "Awww" over everything and just generally bounce all over. I'd make 'em put on the Christmas music. We'd open our presents and then later on Dad would retire to watch the games and avoid us. Mom and my sister and I would all congregate to the kitchen to start preparing for the dinner.
You know, I guess it wasn't all that bad. Really though, it was just the mood of those around me. Nobody got excited about it. I can't even explain why I do. I just get this bubbly feeling deep down inside that feels like I'm 8 years old again giddy with excitement over one morning I get to open up all the shiny packages. I just never goes away. Some time in October it starts, and it just grows continually from there.
Unfortunately, my hubby is much the same as my Mom. He doesn't really enjoy the Holidays for some unknown reason. He couldn't explain it to me, just says that he doesn't feel the spirit until maybe Christmas Eve or so. My spirit is contagious though, so it grows on him every year we're together.
This year we're all alone. Mom left this morning to visit my sister and her kids in South Carolina. Hubby's parents aren't coming down until after Christmas to say goodbye to one of the Aunts. She was my favorite. Lord,how I love that woman. She's always been so kind to me from the very beginning. We get along famously, to coin a phrase. She's got cancer though. They'd been treating it successfully, but after a short vacation she took, it metastasized. It's now spread to her spine a couple of her internal organs. She was the oldest of my hubby's 13 Aunts and Uncles. She'll also be the first of them to go since the death of the family Matriarch a few years back.
So, there's that. Brings tears to my eyes to think of it. But I guess I just have been trying not to think about it until after the Holidays are over. The other thing that's been working hard to bring me down is my Dad. I didn't buy him a gift this year. I thought a lot about it. In the end though, I just realized I don't know him well enough to even try. I bought him a Christmas card though. I cried the entire time. Every card I picked out had sickenly sweet phrases like, "For the Dad who was always there for me" and "For the Father I can always count on." None of them seemed to fit. Just upset me so much to think that I couldn't find a card that said, "Thanks for being such a prick. I hope you're enjoying your new life alone." I didn't find one though. I found something neutral and almost hopeful.
In about another hour, I'm leaving to go shopping for my husband. I'm avoiding Hell-Mart today. Really I'm just making a quick stop to pick up his present from a book store and then heading out to a nearby co-op grocery store to buy some last minute items for our dinner.
Before I go though, I just wanted to wish you all the very best for this Holiday Season. I'll be around now and then, but mostly offline until after Christmas. I love you all very much. *big hugs all around*
This time last year, I was just barely remembering that we hadn't gotten a tree up. Was tough last year with everything that had been happening. It's a weird feeling for me, that. I'm always so excited about the season.
Some of y'all have heard before the stories about my Dad. He just never really was the type to get excited about Christmas. Didn't even like the presents we gave him much. Mom's mood was always brought down because of that because she was trying to compensate for that for us kids and didn't really ever get into the spirit of things until Christmas day.
Mom. She tried her best, really she did. Christmas morning we would have any of a variety of meals. It was always something we could eat while opening presents: cinnamon rolls, orange bread, banana bread. Good stuff that. Michelle and I would "Ooh" and "Awww" over everything and just generally bounce all over. I'd make 'em put on the Christmas music. We'd open our presents and then later on Dad would retire to watch the games and avoid us. Mom and my sister and I would all congregate to the kitchen to start preparing for the dinner.
You know, I guess it wasn't all that bad. Really though, it was just the mood of those around me. Nobody got excited about it. I can't even explain why I do. I just get this bubbly feeling deep down inside that feels like I'm 8 years old again giddy with excitement over one morning I get to open up all the shiny packages. I just never goes away. Some time in October it starts, and it just grows continually from there.
Unfortunately, my hubby is much the same as my Mom. He doesn't really enjoy the Holidays for some unknown reason. He couldn't explain it to me, just says that he doesn't feel the spirit until maybe Christmas Eve or so. My spirit is contagious though, so it grows on him every year we're together.
This year we're all alone. Mom left this morning to visit my sister and her kids in South Carolina. Hubby's parents aren't coming down until after Christmas to say goodbye to one of the Aunts. She was my favorite. Lord,how I love that woman. She's always been so kind to me from the very beginning. We get along famously, to coin a phrase. She's got cancer though. They'd been treating it successfully, but after a short vacation she took, it metastasized. It's now spread to her spine a couple of her internal organs. She was the oldest of my hubby's 13 Aunts and Uncles. She'll also be the first of them to go since the death of the family Matriarch a few years back.
So, there's that. Brings tears to my eyes to think of it. But I guess I just have been trying not to think about it until after the Holidays are over. The other thing that's been working hard to bring me down is my Dad. I didn't buy him a gift this year. I thought a lot about it. In the end though, I just realized I don't know him well enough to even try. I bought him a Christmas card though. I cried the entire time. Every card I picked out had sickenly sweet phrases like, "For the Dad who was always there for me" and "For the Father I can always count on." None of them seemed to fit. Just upset me so much to think that I couldn't find a card that said, "Thanks for being such a prick. I hope you're enjoying your new life alone." I didn't find one though. I found something neutral and almost hopeful.
In about another hour, I'm leaving to go shopping for my husband. I'm avoiding Hell-Mart today. Really I'm just making a quick stop to pick up his present from a book store and then heading out to a nearby co-op grocery store to buy some last minute items for our dinner.
Before I go though, I just wanted to wish you all the very best for this Holiday Season. I'll be around now and then, but mostly offline until after Christmas. I love you all very much. *big hugs all around*
