What about Xander?
May. 27th, 2005 12:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saifaiI had a strange, and terrifying, dream last night. I was a member of the scoobies. At first, I was the one without power, Xander.
It started out simply enough. We were gathered on some bleachers, preparing ourselves for the coming attack. We knew the big bad would be there soon, so I turned to the witches and made sure they had their spells going. They started calling on the power, chanting to whatever deity would listen. Their eyes turned that white glowing color that Storm's (from X-Men) does when she's doing the same.
I ran up towards the top of the bleachers, cocking my double barrel shotgun as I went (I blame that part on HALO). As I neared the top, he came into view. He was a gigantic troll over eight feet tall. Very menacing figure.
I was completely terrified. But I shrugged my shoulders and just went with the flow of things. The initial surge of adrenalin from seeing this thing staring hatefully at me did it's trick and got me into action. So I lowered the gun off my shoulder and started firing.
It smirked at me. Damn gun didn't do anything. I yelped in surprise and jumped back as he lumbered around the side of the bleachers and down to the bottom. He started climbing his way up towards us. I completely lost track of everything going around me. I just freaked out. I scrambled over the side of the bleachers and jumped down below.
I could vaguely see off to the side of the gymnasium a small group of people. I didn't pay them any attention. They were just standing there doing nothing. Kinda pissed me off, but I didn't have time to think about it. About that time I realized the troll followed me off, going in the opposite direction and grabbed me.
You know how horrifying an experience it is to have some eight foot tall monster with the strength of Lord knows how many men grab you from behind? Yeah.
That's about the time I realized what it was like to be Xander. To be the one without power. I briefly thought to the girls up top doing their thing, and thought what a minor bit of relief it must be for them to have some power to them. Something to give them some comfort that they at least have something to back them up in a pinch should things come down to this.
This, this thing was digging his big meaty fingers into my ribs. My brain completely shut down as to what he was going to do to me. It hadn't quite got to the point of being excrutiating pain yet, but I think what hurt worse was the knowledge that none of them would get to me in time.
Right. So that's about the time in the dream I decided I had the power to teleport my ass the hell away from this thing. *pop* And I'm on the other side of the gym. I screamed as the thing came barreling towards me again. I screamed like a girly man and popped myself up onto the bleachers, and behind Willow...
*****
Then I woke up.
I thought about quite a bit after I woke up. I didn't occur to me until that moment just what it was like for Xander. The terror that I felt was unlike anything I've ever felt. I was so useless. But I couldn't help but want to be there with them anyway. I felt scared, and guilty, and alone, and useless, and powerless...
And I'm sure I would have got right back up and did it again the next night. I can only imagine what that do to someone if they had to go through that level of terror on a regular basis. It would do something to a person. Harden their heart, and their mind. You would have to in order to be able to deal with the terror without being slowly driven to Dru-like levels of insanity. It'd probably turn you gray at an early age too, I'm guessing.
After that dream, I guess I just have a bit more respect for Xander's character. It makes a bit more sense to me what he was like in Season 7. All of them turned darker as the years went by, you know? Even in Season 7, Xander was a bit rougher around the edges. He was strong enough in his own right to stand up for what he thought was right, even if that meant shutting out Buffy.
*shrugs and goes back to find more chocolate*
It started out simply enough. We were gathered on some bleachers, preparing ourselves for the coming attack. We knew the big bad would be there soon, so I turned to the witches and made sure they had their spells going. They started calling on the power, chanting to whatever deity would listen. Their eyes turned that white glowing color that Storm's (from X-Men) does when she's doing the same.
I ran up towards the top of the bleachers, cocking my double barrel shotgun as I went (I blame that part on HALO). As I neared the top, he came into view. He was a gigantic troll over eight feet tall. Very menacing figure.
I was completely terrified. But I shrugged my shoulders and just went with the flow of things. The initial surge of adrenalin from seeing this thing staring hatefully at me did it's trick and got me into action. So I lowered the gun off my shoulder and started firing.
It smirked at me. Damn gun didn't do anything. I yelped in surprise and jumped back as he lumbered around the side of the bleachers and down to the bottom. He started climbing his way up towards us. I completely lost track of everything going around me. I just freaked out. I scrambled over the side of the bleachers and jumped down below.
I could vaguely see off to the side of the gymnasium a small group of people. I didn't pay them any attention. They were just standing there doing nothing. Kinda pissed me off, but I didn't have time to think about it. About that time I realized the troll followed me off, going in the opposite direction and grabbed me.
You know how horrifying an experience it is to have some eight foot tall monster with the strength of Lord knows how many men grab you from behind? Yeah.
That's about the time I realized what it was like to be Xander. To be the one without power. I briefly thought to the girls up top doing their thing, and thought what a minor bit of relief it must be for them to have some power to them. Something to give them some comfort that they at least have something to back them up in a pinch should things come down to this.
This, this thing was digging his big meaty fingers into my ribs. My brain completely shut down as to what he was going to do to me. It hadn't quite got to the point of being excrutiating pain yet, but I think what hurt worse was the knowledge that none of them would get to me in time.
Right. So that's about the time in the dream I decided I had the power to teleport my ass the hell away from this thing. *pop* And I'm on the other side of the gym. I screamed as the thing came barreling towards me again. I screamed like a girly man and popped myself up onto the bleachers, and behind Willow...
*****
Then I woke up.
I thought about quite a bit after I woke up. I didn't occur to me until that moment just what it was like for Xander. The terror that I felt was unlike anything I've ever felt. I was so useless. But I couldn't help but want to be there with them anyway. I felt scared, and guilty, and alone, and useless, and powerless...
And I'm sure I would have got right back up and did it again the next night. I can only imagine what that do to someone if they had to go through that level of terror on a regular basis. It would do something to a person. Harden their heart, and their mind. You would have to in order to be able to deal with the terror without being slowly driven to Dru-like levels of insanity. It'd probably turn you gray at an early age too, I'm guessing.
After that dream, I guess I just have a bit more respect for Xander's character. It makes a bit more sense to me what he was like in Season 7. All of them turned darker as the years went by, you know? Even in Season 7, Xander was a bit rougher around the edges. He was strong enough in his own right to stand up for what he thought was right, even if that meant shutting out Buffy.
*shrugs and goes back to find more chocolate*
